


Enlightenment

by mithrel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blanket Permission, M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-07
Updated: 2010-01-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humans have many sayings about change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enlightenment

Time. It was a strange thing. Angels were not aware of time, even when envesseled. Humans have any number of sayings and beliefs about time. “Time flies when you’re having fun.” “Time will tell.” “A stitch in time saves nine.” It was very important to them, yet they often squandered it, pretended that they had an infinite amount, that their lives would go on forever.

Along with time, they had sayings about change. “This too shall pass.” “Nothing is permanent except change.” “Times don’t change. Men do.”

And apparently he was included in that now. He remembered being certain, long ago. But he began to doubt, long before he was sent to pull Dean Winchester out of Hell.

Dean had only fed those doubts. Castiel had not known many humans before, certainly none with such…force of personality as Dean. At first he was often bewildered by Dean’s sudden rages, his refusal to believe in what was in front of him, his inappropriate humor. But as time went on he realized that the one thing Dean hated above all was feeling helpless. Being unable to save people, or make the world fair, or stop the Apocalypse.

That was why he railed against being Michael’s vessel, refused to accept it. As a vessel, he would not be in control.

At first Castiel had seen nothing worth saving about the Earth. Why not remake it as a paradise? In paradise there would be none of the things Dean despised, and he didn’t know why he resisted. But he learned to see the world through Dean’s eyes, and realized that yes, there was corruption and violence and hatred, but there was also family and love and people trying their best to do the right thing.

And so he defied Heaven, when the Apocalypse was starting and Dean was safely out of the way, letting him out of the green room, then facing down Raphael.

He’d known he wouldn’t survive it, and when he woke up on Chuck’s floor with the man hovering worriedly over him he was truly confused for the first time in centuries.

Then he’d gone up against his family again, killing Zachariah’s lackeys to stop him from killing Dean, since he knew no matter what pressure they brought to bear Dean would never consent to hosting Michael.

He didn’t regret doing it, even when Dean was convinced that God was dead or indifferent. Even when Bobby was angry he’d lost his powers and so was unable to heal him. Even when Dean was just as frustrating and impossible as always.

And when, standing beside a highway in the dark, Dean leaned in, eyes bright, and pressed his lips to Cas’ own, he finally understood.


End file.
